It has been a v. v. v. v. v. v. v. v. v . long long long time  I never come to my blog. Felt this blog so dead. Time files so fast and I am now studying  in poly. It has been the 4th week in poly. And the style of learning is quite different from secondary schools. I still prefer hard copies instead of using laptop and look at the lecture slides. There are so many modules to study and is pretty hard to catch with other students as I doesn't have a maths background compared to most of my classmates in my class. Talking about my class, it feel so sian. But they are humorous sometimes. But.. there are no handsome guys in my class. *Sad* Hahahaha.. Before I went to the orientation, my mind was like thinking that the course I chose was weird so I guess the people in my class will be weird too. But I met a lot of friends in my class, more than I met in secondary school. It is just happy to meet friends in class and have fun ! I feel like I have a lot of things to say since I never blog for so long time. I just got a part time job this year January and I am still working until now. The people I met there are just awesome. I became more talkative working there and somehow boost my confidence level. Although school has started, I just don't bear to quit my job. But I felt a bit tired of going work after my lesson on every Friday.  I met a lot of friends there of course. I even made friends with the chefs and managers there. I am so glad I made friends even with the guys at work because I seldom talk to guys in my school. Sometimes they are just bastards, teasing me all day. Talking to them made me remembered my last crush which made me felt so stupid. Its really hard to be mature when you like someone. I somehow avoided his eye contact and being childish in front of him. If I have done the right choice, things might change in the end. Cause somehow I felt he had the feeling as mine. But  I didn't admit it.  I always feel those guys I crush on will not like me back. I always have no confident in myself. I always envy those girls who are so pretty. Pretty girls always have handsome boyfriends. I always feel that I  don't have the chance at all. Instead, people who crush on me are those I don't like. So pathetic. Andandand I want to go overseas with my friends !!! It will be sooo damn cool !!Hahahaha sorry for being random .

I feel my life really suck. I have to face problems at home and in school and even during my school holidays. I hate it, I'm so pissed off. Everyone is torturing me to death. Including friends, i feel they don't treat me as one. One incident just happened today, I was feeling so suck, i don't know if they did that to me on purpose, trying to make my life suck and make me feel moody all day long. This is not friends that i meant. She just pulled her away from me, they did that to me, in front of me, i can't believe it. I never heard that FRIENDS do such thing. i really suck because of this. She wants people to listen to her unhappiness, then who will want to listen to mine? Huh? Does she consider other people feelings? Even if she has sth secretive to tell her, she can have tell her when no one is around. She makes me feel ..... really mad about her. Does she know that she has hurt someone? I don't wish to continue this friendship. This is not sth related to forgiveness. What are friends for? My life really suck like hell. Although some of them knew abt this, they don't intend to tell me and i don't wish to ask them when they are not willing to tell me at all. They are not my friends. I should have find someone who can lend their ears to me. I used to treat them as my sisters but now i don't. What are friends for? Can anyone tell me? Til now, i have only one best friend in my whole life and i will never change because she is the one who spend happy and sad times with me throughout my primary school life. Although we are only really that close but i have long regarded her as my beloved sister.

i don't feel like having blog.... my blog is so dead... and people around me doesn't post anything since long long time as i can remember.. suddenly i wish to go back primary six and choose my secondary school wisely. If time can go back, i will. I keep wondering who are really my best of best friends in my secondary school life, in fact i can't find any. They don't really treat me as one, sometimes i feel left out. But i can't say because they were being left out by me before. is it that i am just being paranoid? I know they thought i suffer depression or what so ever. Who cares man. I wish i don't bother but i couldn't stop thinking about it. If i have chose CCHY and entered the same school as my 1000 best buddy. i will not be so miserable. 

It was so so so so long that i had never posted anything since March . and times really files fast, now is October. my n level examinations just passed not long ago, i will be receiving my results on 16 December. i feel so worried about it and i have been telling myself that don't worry and everything will be alright. What if results are out and i am not satisfied with it, what should i do? maybe i just end up in ITE, higher technical something one. i had so many careless mistakes since my science papers had started. i am afraid i couldn't reach my targeted goals, i will be really devastated. what i really hope now is that it will not affect too much on my grades. i still remembered when i was waiting for PSLE results day, i was hoping that i could get into express class but in the end i ended up in normal academic class. Tomorrow onwards i have to prepare myself for o lvl next year.. for my weakest subject, English as well as Combined Humanities. if i can reach my goals and go to sec 5, i will treasure my time more and will be able to improve on my English with the help of tuition  next year!